Our Secret
by lumosincendio
Summary: What happened after Richie carved those letters into the kissing bridge?


The blade dug into the pad of Richie's finger as he carved into the decaying wood of the kissing bridge. His trembling hands made it immensely difficult, sometimes causing the blade to fall between his fingers and nearly tumble into the forest below, Richie exclaiming "Shit!" each time before managing to snatch it up again. The encounter with Henry Bowers and his cousin in the arcade, the raw embarrassment he had felt just several moments before was still fresh in his mind, a deep flush of red still visible on the sides of his neck. With the paranoia of Henry and his gang sneaking up behind him again, he quickly finished carving and sat back to admire his handiwork.

R + E

Richie's heart beat like a bass drum inside of his chest. It was insufferable. _He _was insufferable. Why couldn't he just have suppressed his feelings like he usually did instead of deciding to ride his stupid bike to this stupid bridge and carve both of their stupid names? He should never have asked that kid to keep playing with him in the way he did. He wished it didn't have to be Bowers' cousin. It had sent him over the edge. But the kid reminded him so much of Eddie, he couldn't help himself. Eddie Kaspbrak, his best friend. The person he thought of as even more than a best friend for so long. It was why he came all the way out here. He needed to get it out somehow. But it was no excuse to openly carve these letters into the bridge, knowing how Derry felt about people like Richie.

_I know your secret, Richie. I know your dirty little secret._

Richie shuddered, then stood up, shaking his head. He had to admit, he felt a little better. But worse at the same time.

Taking one last sad look at the fence, he turned around to grab his bike but then noticed someone on the other side of the bridge walking towards him. The dreary clouds opened up to allow a single ray of light from the sun escape, highlighting a very small figure holding a paper bag and propping up an arm that was wrapped in a cast.

It was Eddie.

"Oh, for fucks sake," Richie muttered, panicking, under his breath. He took a step backwards to cover up the freshly carved letters, realizing that he could not run away that easy. "Fuck fuck fuck - "

"Richie?" Eddie said as he got closer.

"Hey," Richie replied weakly, feeling like he was going to vomit. His horrible attempt to act cool as his heart went a million times per second must have been unnerving, because Eddie looked quite concerned.

"What are you doing out here? I thought you were at the arcade."

Richie's mind fought for an answer. "I could ask you the same question, Eds,_"_ he retorted. "Isn't your mommy gonna have an asthma attack when she realizes you're gone?"

"Shut up, she has it worse than me," Eddie mumbled, clutching the bag he was carrying against his chest. "I was just picking up my prescription and decided to take a walk before I have to return home for the rest of my days. But don't dodge my question, Trashmouth! I asked you first."

"I, uh, was doing exactly the same," Richie said, nodding.

Eddie raised an eyebrow. "Picking up a prescription?"

"No, that's only for freaks like you," Richie said with a smirk. "Taking a walk - er, a bike ride."

Eddie nodded slowly, but Richie could tell he didn't quite believe him. He watched as Eddie's eyes slid down to his hand, and cursing in his head, he realized he still had the blade clenched in his fist, this time so tightly he felt warm drops of blood collecting in the crevices of his scrunched palm.

"What are you doing?" Eddie asked, trying to see past Richie's butt. "What is that?"

"It's nothing, I'm just - _yoww!_"

Richie's knees buckled, trying to keep himself from falling back and clocking his head on the fence post. With one fluid motion Eddie had kicked out at the back of Richie's legs to disarm him, now digging his good elbow in his back to steer him out of the way. Richie tried to block Eddie again, but it was too late, the latter was already able to get a good look.

"Oooh, Richie!" Eddie sniggered, seemingly putting the pieces together in his head as his eyes switched between the blade and the freshly carved letters. He pointed at the E. "Who's the lucky lady?"

"Your mother," Richie blurted, his cocky demeanour so diminished that the burn came out as a helpless squeak.

The concerned look crawled back onto Eddie's face. "Richie, are you okay? You've been acting kind of weird this whole time."

Richie could only nod because his throat was completely closed up. He knew he couldn't beat around the bush for much longer. What was he supposed to say to him? He couldn't possibly tell him the truth, it would ruin their friendship. He knew it would. And Richie didn't think he could take it.

But what about the very small chance that Eddie reciprocated his feelings? Richie always scoffed at the thought. No way was Eddie into Richie. But he couldn't help but think about the times where Eddie and him shared the hammock in the Losers' clubhouse, their limbs entangled as they talked about meaningless subjects. The way Eddie would get annoyed when Richie made the bigger splash than him at the quarry. Richie holding Eddie's face and telling him it was going to be okay as he screamed in pain from his broken arm. There was a chance, he thought. They've shared too many memories. But even if he was, what would their friends think? Would Stan and Bill turn their backs on them? Would Beverly, Ben and Mike smile on the outside but be disgusted by them on the inside? Too many thoughts filled Richie's head, enough to overwhelm him and send him right over the edge of the kissing bridge. There were reasons he's kept these things to himself for so long, but now he didn't know if he could continue to keep the words from spilling from his lips, with Eddie's eyes boring into his own.

"Richie?"

He snapped out of his trance, panicking as he realized he had been dissociating. He fumbled for the words. "Oh, you know, just this - someone I've - I've known for awhile."

"Really?" Eddie's eyes were wide. "Nice one, Rich!" He elbowed him in the ribs affectionately.

Richie offered him a half-hearted smile. "Yeah, thanks, Eds." He shrugged. "But you know, I don't think it'll work out, but it's fine."

"Why do you say that?"

Richie blew out a breath he didn't know he had been holding, putting his hands in his pocket to keep them from shaking. "I dunno - "

"Rich, talk to me," Eddie said, softly. "Something's bothering you, I can tell."

_Yeah, something's bothering me all right. The fact that it's you who I like, Eddie. I just don't know how to tell you. _

"Richie." Eddie said, sliding his bag of pills under his bandaged arm and placing his other hand on Richie's shoulder.

Richie thought he was going to have a panic attack, either from Eddie's prying eyes or his soft touch. He wished he could just melt into a pile of goo and just seep through the wood beneath his feet and into the forest below in order to escape this confrontation. He wished Eddie would shut the fuck up, but at the same time he wanted him to never stop talking.

Suddenly, the words flowed from his lips before he could even stop them. "If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell anyone, or - or get mad at me, okay?" he whispered, his voice trembling almost as bad as Bill's.

"I promise," Eddie said, gently. "What could possibly make me mad at you?"

Richie thought he was going to gag, and swallowed. _You'd be surprised. _

He began trying to search for the right words, his eyes desperately avoiding making eye contact with the other boy. The wheels in his brain were spinning so fast he felt like he was going to have a stroke.

"Richie," Eddie whispered, concerned. "What's going on? You - "

His words were cut short as Richie rushed forward and grabbed his face in his hands. A dead beat of silence reverberated around them as Richie hesitated, then moved forwards in slow motion, pressing his lips to Eddie's slightly opened mouth.

Eddie's mouth was warm and inviting, and Richie wanted nothing more than to kiss him for hours. The other boy wasn't trying to push him away but wasn't responding to the kiss either. He didn't know what that meant.

It felt like a year when Richie pulled away, even though it had only been two seconds. Realizing he hadn't thought about the aftermath, he prepared himself for anything, feeling his body tense up before he opened his eyes to gauge Eddie's reaction.

The only movement that occurred afterwards was the paper bag of pills spilling from Eddie's limp hand, seemingly in slow motion, before scattering across the dirty wood floor. Eddie's eyes were staring, blinking rapidly, his mouth still half open as if he was going to speak. But he didn't, and Richie felt his heart sink lower in his chest.

"Eds?" he said, weakly, his voice coming out as a dull croak. "Say something."

Nothing.

"Eddie. Please."

Nothing.

"Please!" His voice was hysterical, and still Eddie didn't utter a word.

Richie felt unfathomable warmth behind his eyes, and before he knew it his vision was blurred by tears. He turned his head and stared at the R + E carved precariously into the fence, but it only made the lump in his throat grow larger. "Fine." He was shaking. "I'm sorry, Eds."

And then he was picking up his bike and walking it down the bridge.

The tears were dripping down his cheeks before he could even attempt to hold them back. How could he have been so stupid? Eddie's reaction seemed to be permanently engraved in his mind, like a ghost, haunting him from the inside. He didn't know if the image would ever disappear.

Richie's tears seemed to blur his awareness as much as his eyes, because he didn't hear his name being called out from behind him, didn't hear the footsteps rushing towards him, didn't hear the irritating noise of prescription pills rattling in their cases. He didn't even feel a small hand grab his shoulder and whip him around. But soon enough, he was staring right into Eddie's big, round eyes.

Richie searched for words but he stopped dead when he saw Eddie's mouth twitch upwards and snake his hand tenderly around the back of Richie's neck, pulling him towards him, seemingly in slow motion before their mouths became one in the same.

Richie was so taken aback that he thought he would black out, but when he felt Eddie lead the kiss with such force it managed to keep his consciousness surfaced. He reached up to grip the other boy's cheek, brushing his face delicately with the tips of his fingers. He felt Eddie's hand glide from his neck to gently wipe his tears away, and when the two boys broke apart, they stood with their foreheads pressed together in silent recognition.

"Eddie, I - I - "

Eddie smiled. "I know," he said, pressing his lips to Richie's collarbone, "I love you, too."

Richie didn't know what to say, but it seemed like Eddie didn't need him to speak. "Come here." Eddie grabbed his hand and brought him to an area on the fence a few feet away from where Richie's letters were carved. He pointed, and Richie, astonished, saw an engraving of the letter R inside of a crudely drawn heart. "That was me."

Richie wanted to grab Eddie and kiss him again, but he resorted to his usual quips in order to avoid the sappiness that was raring to break out. "Aww, that's so cute," he said. "It's so cute that you tried so hard."

Eddie punched him in the arm, and they both laughed. "Fuck you, bro!"

They shared the moment for awhile, and then Richie spoke. "I - I really love you, Eddie. I really do."

Eddie smiled and leaned his head on Richie's shoulder. Their fingers snaked together, and Richie kissed the top of Eddie's head. His hair smelled like cherry cough syrup.

"What do we do now?" Richie found himself saying.

Eddie looked up at him, his small forehead creasing. "What do you mean?"

"Do we - the others…" Richie fiddled with the strings on his shorts. "Do we tell them?"

Eddie was silent for awhile. Richie expected the same thoughts that constantly coursed through his brain was now coursing through Eddie's.

"Maybe," he finally said, squeezing Richie's hand. "But not yet." He pressed his chin into the paisley printed fabric of the other boy's shoulder. "For now, it will be our secret."

* * *

Well it's been a hot minute since I've been on here, but I got back into writing fics. As you can see my current obsession is Reddie. It has broken me.

Hope you enjoyed, and thanks for reading!


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